| November
2005: Coping
with grief during the holidays while the whole world is celebrating
This
has been a very tough year for many of us as we approach the holiday
season dealing with losses, disappointments, fears and/or financial
stress. If you are coping
with grief and loss, the
holidays are not a time for joy and celebration, but a time of deep
sorrow. Coping with those
emotions during the holiday season is especially paralyzing and painful.
If you are hurting during this holiday season, or know someone else who is, here are some simple survival tips that will help you get through this difficult time.
Take care of yourself
- Pamper yourself. Get a message, take a hot bath with smelly stuff and candles
- Give yourself a small gift. Buy a comfort stuffed animal, or body pillow named ‘Robert Redford'
- Get up and out. Go out for breakfast and have someone wait on you for a change
- Take care of yourself physically. Exercise and do laps around the house, get enough sleep, eat right. This creates positive attitude and eliminates stress.
Simplify
- Say no to extra things. You don't have to do it all (decorating - buying for everyone - baking cookies for neighbors - writing Christmas cards) - JUST SAY NO!
- Do grab bag gifts. Instead of shopping for everyone - do a family grab bag gift so you only shop for 1 person.
- Eliminate negative people. Those people who ‘bring you down' should stay on their side of the room.
Do Things you've always wanted to do –
but didn't
- Test drive a fun car.
- Try a new hobby. Buy cheap watercolor paints and big paper even if you think you have no talent – or get a paint by numbers children's set
- Sit at a coffee shop and read a book. Make sure it's a light one, with short stories and segments.
Surround yourself with lots of color,
great smells and positive things
- Surround yourself with lots of color. Make flower arrangements for every room
- Buy a pet. Even a gold fish is ok - they don't talk back or require walking and they are alive
- Bond with a puppy or kitty. Walk your neighbor's puppy through the forest preserve or have a kitten or puppy over to ‘play'. Hug it lots.
Surround yourself with life, people
and activity
- Connect with your treasured friends. Be honest with them and tell them that you need emotional support especially during the holidays.
- Reconnect. Call some old high school friends or family you haven't seen in many years. They will be thrilled to hear from you.
- Get a full supply of hugs. You need 8 per day to be emotionally healthy – 10 during the holidays
Honor the people who are missing from
our lives during the holidays
- Make a list of funny memories. Then share it with the family during holiday meals
- Share family pictures. Get out the old pictures and have everyone share their favorite, and tell why they picked it – emphasize positive and fun pictures
- Reconnect with their old friends and reminisce.
Change traditions but keep some things the same
- Change the time you go to religious services if you can. Also try changing who you go with, what you do afterwards, etc.
- Have a holiday open house. Invite friends over but have them all bring some of the food. Keep it simple - it's all about doing something different.
- Go to a movie after holiday dinner.
Give to others
Giving to others warms your heart, puts your life in perspective and takes the focus away from your own feelings.
· Do random acts of kindness. Have all your family members do as many as they can for 2 weeks and then report on your experience during holiday meal
· Visit and volunteer. Go to a soup kitchen, children's hospital, or with a church group to distribute food.
· Give a gift or money to someone in need. Give in someone else's name to honor them, or give in your family name. It doesn't have to be much.
Cheryl
Perlitz is the author of the inspirational book "Soaring Through
Setbacks - Rise above adversity - Reclaim your life" and “Soaring
through Setbacks….Survival Tips Handbook’ As a dynamic
speaker and facilitator, her inspiring, fun and motivational stories
help listeners and readers to "TRANSFORM THEIR MOUNTAINS INTO
OPPORTUNITIES FOR ADVENTURE AND POSITIVE CHANGE."
Cheryl is not a therapist, or medical doctor. She
does not have a PHD or an advanced degree in psychological theory.
She is a regular person, like most of us. She is a sought after
talk show guest because of her easy casual style, her ability to
tell wonderful stories that the listeners and readers can relate
to, and her understanding and compassion for others.
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