The climb was going well. We were physically ready, following our well laid out plan, and working well as a team. The peak was in sight. Suddenly the storm clouds appeared. We tried to ignore the warning signals: high winds, fast moving clouds, dwindling visibility. Finally we retreated. Mission over.

So it is with divorce, overpowering disappointments and major life changes. They happen… not because we will it, but because they just happen. They are part of life. We have no choice but to redefine ourselves and travel in a different direction. Our lives are no longer the same and never will be.

Divorce throws our lives off balance. We are no longer part of a couple. The dream of the perfect marriage is gone. Our family is different and our friendships change. As a mountain climber I've found that these mountains are the hardest ones we will ever climb: The emotional challenges of giving up our lives as we know them and starting over again.

"Our lives are full of mountains to climb… These mountains become vehicles for wonderful new beginnings." Cheryl Perlitz

How do we climb the mountains of change?

AT FIRST WE TRY ONLY TO SURVIVE
The healing process is different for every individual. Some of us hit the ground running to avoid feeling sad, or mad. Others go to bed, and have trouble getting up. Some eat too much, and some eat too little. Some sleep a lot, and some can't sleep. Some cry all the time, some are overcome with gut wrenching laughter. Some are angry and want to seek revenge, while others deny that things have changed. Emotional recovery times vary too. Feeling the emotions, is part of letting go of the past and moving on: preparation for the rebuilding process.

LIGHTENING THE LOAD
When the tumultuous roller coaster ride of emotions slows down, we are able to see a different view. The times of emotional crisis become further apart. Just as in climbing a mountain, our trek is made easier and faster and safer if the burden we are carrying is as light as it can be. What burdens do we need to unload to move ahead with our lives? I remember the closet cleaning frenzies and garage sales that uncluttered the material things. I marvel at the pieces of the past that I was able to push out of my mind, because they just didn't seem important any more. I unloaded the obligations I said yes to that I hated myself for and the negative people that dragged me down right along with them. Emptying myself of what was weighing on me, opened me up to traveling freely and being ready to see a new world of possibilities.

PREPARING FOR THE CLIMB
Traveling light frees you up and physical fitness assures physical and emotional survival. Exercising, taking vitamins, getting enough sleep, stretching and breathing all assure that you are ready for the tough climb to new life. Physical exercise starts the blood flowing, engages the endorphins to promote positive attitude, and keeps your mind sharp. Honoring yourself enough to take care of your body assures that you are operating as efficiently as possible.

THROWING THE ROPE
As they travel to the peak, mountain climbers are connected by a single rope. They know that if anyone falls or runs into trouble, those on the rope will use their own strength to help. In the same way, friends, family, and strangers we meet are there to help us. Their strength holds us up. As I ventured out on my very first date, scared to death, and insecure, it was my friends who smiled at me in the restaurant behind the potted plant. It was a distant relative who taught me what I needed to know to be able to function financially.

MOVING AHEAD
As we move ahead and slowly take one step at a time towards our new life, we gain the confidence to take some risks and move out of the comfort zone. Painful stretching always leads to new ways to view the world. Everything we try teaches us what does and doesn't work. Confidence builds as we build up experiences, and learn that there is no such thing as failure, only lessons to learn. Slowly we learn how to be resilient in the face of obstacles.

New life and new beginnings are hard but as a survivor of tough times, we will find more strength than we never imagined was possible. We have climbed the hardest mountains there are …..and we are survivors.