Cheryl lays an egg! Yes, this article is about laying an egg in public … in front of an audience. This is about being on the platform and NOT being there. It's about freezing and stalling, the pain of it and the eventual lessons learned. Especially it's how we, as speakers, are at one moment standing solidly on two feet, giving it our all and leading with our hearts. Then, at the next moment, we can lose our footing, our balance, and our touch on solid ground. What becomes of us then?
In February I participated in a video showcase. My intuition was telling me I was jamming too much into a busy week. I didn't listen. Instead, I forged ahead into the taping with the intention of telling 'snippets' of personal mountain adventure stories I know well and tell often.
Lights, Camera, Action!
Before it was my turn, I joined the stream of speakers in the ladies room stall, where I muttered lines under my breath, did deep breathing exercises, all the visualizations I had in my personal arsenal, and ended with a prayer. I prayed that whatever happened in front of the camera that day would teach me the lessons I needed to learn at this point in my fledgling speaking career and affirm that I am well on my way to a GREAT speaking career … OR ……!!!! (OOPS…perhaps thinking the 'OR' inadvertently allowed the negative to creep in).
Before I knew it, it was my turn… I stood up on the stage, confident and comfortable with my script on the desk in front of me, like a warm fuzzy blanket. Five sentences into my material, the videographer shouted… "CUT". There needed to be an adjustment to the background. As he was adjusting his background, I should have adjusted my foreground, but I didn't. Five sentences again… "CUT". Start again. The camera needs adjustment." He adjusted his camera, but I didn't make my mental adjustment. In mountain climbing I know that there are sometimes unexpected distractions. Failure to adjust, readjust and focus can cause loss of footing with serious consequences.
Encore
I started again and this time stumbled on my own words. That was the end, at least for me. I had allowed myself to lose my footing totally. Suddenly I found myself robotically groping for the scripted material. My words lurched out of my mouth, and with every word I was falling further and further away from myself. My body got stiff and tense. I totally lost connection to my material and myself. I looked for help from the audience. Mercifully time finally ran out, and I was free.
Back to the bathroom! This time, however, I felt profound humiliation. I felt like I had totally lost myself. As a mountain climber, I know about balance: being centered with my feet solidly under me, focusing on short term goals, breathing to stay centered and then traveling one careful step at a time. During the taping I felt like I was standing on one foot, on a narrow ledge, looking down, holding my breath, and waiting for the inevitable fall into the canyon. In my porcelain retreat I felt injured, and hurt but grateful to be alive. Now, how could I pull myself back from the ledge, and onto solid ground?
Empty Words
For a week, I analyzed the experience and relived the humiliation of it. I had lost connection with the stories that are so much a part of my life. I spoke the words, but they had no meaning and became shallow and flat. That day, I was lured by performance and product, not connection and process. Being out of balance was being out of relationship. It meant "playing a role" in a self made plastic environment.
I had laid an egg. I had a choice. I could throw it out of the nest and let it rot in a place where I would never see it again, OR incubate it, fuss over it, embrace it in hopes that it would hatch into new life and a new beginning. I chose the latter.
Back to Basics
Lessons from the mountain came back to me. Running into obstacles can be an opportunity to see things from a new perspective:
- To regain balance means returning to basics. Basics start within. Remember who you are, why you are in this business, what you value, and what your purpose is. Being authentic and real at all costs is the only way to connect with your material and believe in what you are doing so that you can stand on a solid base.
- Remember to listen to what your intuition is telling you. That inner voice is usually right. When you are true to that, you can embrace "pure commitment".
- Prepare your material and prepare yourself. Make sure you know your own limits. Stretching is necessary if you want to grow and improve. However, always sense how far you can stretch without breaking.
- Stay awake and focused. Focusing forward and inside turns fear around and propels you ahead with greater force.
- Remember the importance of relationships. The faces in the audience the day I laid my egg and the people I'm roped together with when I'm climbing up an ice field, are there for mutual support. If I had taken the time to connect with them that day, I would have found my feet.
I really got what I prayed for in the bathroom before the video showcase. Just as the momentum of the roller coaster of my perceived failure pulled me crashing to the bottom of a steep hill, it sent me just as far up the other side. I learned that laying an egg can be painful but can also be a wonderful gift.
Cheryl Lays an Egg © is Copyright Soaring 2002 All Rights Reserved
This article was published in Professional Speaker© Magazine in the January/February 2002 issue.
This article cannot be reproduced without written permission by the author.
